Taking up room on the DVR that is my mind

I know, I know. I haven't posted in a long time. I have no good excuses, but here is a little bit of an explanation.
Yes, I work full-time and have gone back to school for a graduate degree (for some reason I think I let TV get more into my head when I am supposed to be concentrating on real things... maybe it is a distraction, maybe it is an escape, I dunno)... But what has probably really gotten in the way of me concentrating on this little tv blog project has been my underestimation of how much of my time and mind would be taken up by, yes, Dancing with the Stars this season.

Let me explain....

A few seasons ago, I started watching DWTS when Marlee Matlin was one of the celebrities. I've taken some classes in American Sign Language, and I've really loved some of Marlee's roles in TV and movies before, so I thought it would be neat to see how she did on DWTS. I got hooked on the show that season (season 6) and was glad to watch it until the end. I had been vaguely aware of the show in the past, perusing some of the recaps on Television without Pity, but hadn't been really interested before. It did not return to my lineup for season 7.

As Season 8 was coming up, though, I had some spare time in my TV viewing schedule, and I'll admit I was initially sucked in by the train wreck that was Steve Wozniak dancing, and making it far too far on that show due to the efforts of his industrious and persistant geek following. I settled in and watched most of Season 8. When it was over, though, again I felt not particular attachment to it.

Ah, but this fall TV season started and I found that instead of wanting to watch House or How I Met Your Mother (which I've completely abandoned this season) or The Big Bang Theory, I was tuning in to DWTS. And then, the show burrowed into my brain, and I found myself thinking about it at random times throughout the day... driving to work, on my lunch-time walks.

Now, in the past I'd tried to imagine what it would be like to take a crash course in Ballroom and Latin dancing the way the "stars" (a term applied pretty liberally on this show, in my opinion) do. I am notorious for being a bad dancer. I took one dance class in college, in which I was the worst student (but got an okay grade due to effort). In high school, I was in a few musicals which required a small amount of not-super-technical dancing, and our chorus did show-choir... but I was not good. In fact, our director seemed to delight in pointing out how awkward I looked when I danced. I became known for making "the face" -- a ridiculous expression I wore when trying to dance that was a combination of "white man's overbite," concentration, and an attempt at nonchalance. My main move now when forced to dance in social settings involves keeping my shoulders and hips locked in-line, kind of rocking back and forth or swaying at the knees, and doing a combination sway/fist-pump with my arms, with my feet planted firmly on the ground about shoulder width apart. If I'm really feeling wild (and especially coordinated), the arms might swing around in circles, and I might do the 80s school-dance "step-touch."

You can imagine why I might fantasize about an intensive, fancy dahhhhhncing bootcamp.

But lately, whenever I'd hear any music, any song on the radio, I'd start wondering, "What dance would they do to this? Samba? Rumba? Is that a good one for a Foxtrot? Tango or Paso Doble?"

Then, while taking my lunch-time walks the past week or so, I started spending the entire half-hour trying to picture DWTS routines to the music on my very, very limited iPhone playlist. And not just the dancing, but the costumes, too. My favorite fantasy DWTS routine (and forgive me, because I didn't watch the earlier seasons, and did not realize until I did some research earlier today and found this song had been done on the show already), was a futuristic Tango to "The Final Countdown" by Europe (uh... yeah, that is on my playlist... shut up), in spacey, silver lame costumes. The woman's dress would be sleek and tight fitting through the bodice, sleeveless, with a high collar, and large cut-outs in the sides, and a flowing skirt that was long in the back and open in the front. The man would wear a tight-fitting, shiny silver shirt with sort of flowy sleeves (or perhaps also sleeveless), black pants probably with some silver detailing and a little flair at the bottom. I debated whether it should be a Paso Doble, but I decided on the Tango because I liked it better with more dancing in hold (I say this as if I know what I'm talking about at all, which I don't, and could be totally wrong but I think what I was picturing was the Tango) but either way, the dance would have a lot of staccato movements, head-snaps, and twirling (in hold). This dance played through my mind a lot.

So, today, I decided to investigate whether the song had already been done, and alas, it had. (insert sad face here).

Take a look at Lisa Rinna paired with pro dancer Louis van Amstel from Season 2 of DWTS.





... I think my version is way better.



(I'm rooting for Kelly Osbourne (also she tweets) this season, and not that I believe in jinxes like that, but just in case, please consider voting for her in case this post is some bad juju.)