Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains, episode 6 (or: "1 douche gone, 1 amazing con" - Shanna)

me: halloo
blah blah blah
me: tell us, Jeff!

[back from Tribal where Colby’s ally Tom was voted out]
No, Colby does not want a hug from you, James. [James patronizingly offers a hug to Colby]
shut up
Shanna: yeah, because you have some weird love affair with james, Amanda [Amanda blah blah blah James fishcakes]
me: yeah
Candice is in a no win situation. She voted with the majority but they know she didn't want to.
DEATHMATCH [Russell confronts Rob about their “rivalry”]
me: dun dun dunnnn
whatever Russell
Shanna: did he just tell rob he doesn't have it? [the hidden idol]
me: he implied so
Shanna: amazing! he didn't blab!
me: heh
I sooooo want people to show Russell what is up [Rob totally is not fooled by Russell]
if it comes from Rob, that is the best
Yeah. Russell's plan soooo worked. I'm so sure he convinced Rob he wasn't after him.
heh. as if Rob even cares.
Shanna: russell's "watch your back" sounded like a lame comeback. Like, "Yeah.... you... uh... watch your back too! yeah! cuz im gonna get choo!"
me: exactly
me: lame

[tree mail]
me: tree mail was vague? really, colby?
Shanna: ah, yeah, this is the "everyone goes to tribal" episode
me: of course

Shanna: yeah, if i was on the villians i would be surprised too [seeing Tom voted out instead of James]
me: they are all surprised at that outcome
no shit
Shanna: woo, individual immunity [rope obstacle course thing]
me: weeeeee
please vote out James and Russell.
Shanna: heh, james is not going to do this at all
how can he
me: wouldn't it suck ass if he sat this one out even and still didn't get voted out?
mm, I want hotdogs. [the winner of each tribe gets individual immunity, and they face off for hotdogs for their tribe and getting to watch the others at tribal council]
there is a lot at stake here.
me: oops, jinx, Jeff [hee. He said “there is a lot at stake” after I did.]
Shanna: let's mention tyson! because he is forgettable!
me: lol
Shanna: it's like he ENJOYS their pain
me: yeah
[James is actually doing well, it is noted, despite not being able to use his leg right]
this is because he can use all his upper body strength to pull himself through this challenge
Shanna: yeah
no running
me: blurring! [a LOT of crotch blurring of the ladies during this challenge as they climbed around this obstacle course in their skimpy bathing suits]
Shanna: go candice!
me: yay Candice!!! [She wins for the Heroes]
she wanted it bad
Shanna: yeah
me: ahh. hugging Jeff.
so weird
she almost left colby hanging
Shanna: now she has to do it again! in a few minutes anyway
heh, yeah, i saw that
me: yeah
as long as it isn't Russell who wins I don't care who wins for the villains
Shanna: LOL sandra
she's like fuck this
me: Jeff always seems surprised when a lady is in it
more crotch blurring.
Shanna: i am not crawling all over the place just to fail miserably anyway
me: I love sandra. she knows when to say fuck it
yes. go Rob! [Boston Rob wins for the Villains]
Shanna: whoa
me: russell is gonna cry
Shanna: that is a bigger course! [Candace and Rob compete]
me: showdown!!!
at least candice got more rest than Rob.
dude. this challenge is all about the ladies exposing their business
Shanna: yeah
they have to not care to do well
me: yeah. they probably don't even know it is happening
note for future survivors: wear shorts for this challenge
Shanna: yeah
me: oh well [Candice loses]
I kind of want Candice to keep in it because she's such an underdog over on her tribe.
but oh well.
Shanna: yeah, she tried, i don't think they can say she didn't
and at least she is still in it for tonight
me: yeah but more points to her regardless if she won them food and advantage. not that that sentiment would last until the next vote
Shanna: yeah
probably not

[At Villain Camp]
me: hmmm
Shanna: Coach thinks he is in the middle anyway [choosing between the alliances]
me: so, they are trying to get Russell to play the idol while actually voting out Parvati?
Shanna: and he is, but not in a crucial way
me: blerg. it is a good plan, but... feh
Shanna: yeah
but it is fun to see russell squirm
me: hmmm
fuck. he's on to it. [Russell comes up with a counter-plan to the others’ plan to flush out his idol and split the votes between him and Parvati]
Shanna: ooh, it is kind of fun tho
me: no one ever seems this smart on this show.
Shanna: makes it more interesting
i mean, he is an ass, sure
but so are a lot of people
at least he is being smart
and has a decent counterplan!
me: ugh. how is this possible that he totally suddenly seems smart and has a decent back up plan?

[Heroes Camp]
oh colby. wah wah wah
you just threw in the towel. [He speechifies to his tribe about how he knows he’s the next to go so they shouldn’t bother conniving and scrambling and should just enjoy the rest of the day]
Shanna: well, he's being all noble about it (in his mind anyway)
i mean, yeah, he should TRY
me: yeah
Shanna: but at least they might not give the other tribe a lot of juicy info
me: now we will show some fake scrambling? [Something is afoot…]
oh, James. you have no use for a man who cannot win a challenge. whatever. [He keeps commenting on how Colby seems to not even try]
Shanna: oh Rupert
your foot?
really? [whine whine whine bad toe]
me: foot of horror!
Shanna: oooh, i like that they are at least CONSIDERING james
me: ooh
of course Amanda is sticking up for him
now is the time to get rid of that dude, actually.
hah. they are going to test him! hee.
[Amanda tells James that he has to demonstrate to the others that he is okay, by running a footrace. Also, she tries to explain to him some of the social niceties, such as not eating all the bananas]
oh, amanda. he does not realize he does anything wrong.
Shanna: heh
this is entertaining
i hope he does run
me: lol. I know.
Shanna: and loses! hah
me: and falls on his face?
he refuses to prove himself.
don't race Rupert!
Shanna: here's an idea! send rupert!
me: right!
for real
this is ridiculous [James ends up racing JT …]
hah. he's racing him backward! [… who beats him easily, while running backward]
It doesn’t even matter to JT.
they'd all rather keep someone who is trying than someone who is not, so I get that [so they are implying]
Shanna: yeah
but then, i think colby is just like, whatever, i don't want to have a stressful last day if it is inevitable
and after what happened last week
it must seem inevitable
me: yeah
I just wish James wouldn't always get his way.
Shanna: yeah

[Villain Camp]
me: ooh, Rob has a counter plan
Shanna: ahh, so now rob is on to the possibility of russell playing them
me: yeah
is Coach a double agent? [on account of his sort of promise of loyalty to his King Russell?]
he knows russell has the idol
Shanna: hmmm
me: please do not believe Russell
Shanna: hahaha
this is so interesting
just because they are really all playing each other so well
for once [There is a counter-counter-plan, which I don’t recall, and then Russell goes to Tyson for a counter-counter-counter-plan or something. I don’t know.]
me: oh, Tyson and his gay double entendres
Shanna: it does happen now and then
but it is so rare
me: it is kind of amazing how strategical they are being
Shanna: and fun when it happens
haha, tyson's hotdog comment

[Tribal Council]
me: Jeff looked a little stoned there
Jerri's hair is kind of amazing
Shanna: yeah
Shanna: she manages to make it look awesome
my hair would look terrible by this point
me: my hair would probably be a giant fuzz ball
Shanna: oh whatever, connections with people from the past
me: yeah. whatever.
I do love how Rob is totally trying to school Russell, though.
lol. Sandra is too honest.
Shanna: yeah, go rob
me: dun dun dunnnnn
commercial cliffhanger!
Shanna: hahah, commercial at a cliffhanger moment!
dun dun dun
me: :)
well, at least there's that
out of the way [Russell goes to play the idol …]
what? Puhleeze [… but FAKEOUT, gives it to Parvati instead!]
Shanna: LOL
me: well, okay then
Jeff is loving this
Shanna: hmmm
me: hmmm
Shanna: lololololol [and the vote bounces to TYSON because he fell for Russell’s final plan and essentially got HIMSELF voted out]
well played
me: man
I love how confused they all are.
Shanna: of course russell is now going to be MORE annoying
me: no kidding. fuck.
Shanna: but, awesome
me: yeah. it was because tyson was totally played.
Shanna: heh "i'm still pretty awesome" –tyson [Final words]
me: "I'm still pretty awesoem". gotta love that guy
I hate that now Russell has now proven himself to actually be able to play with the big dogs. :(
Shanna: yeah

[Now the Heroes come in for their Tribal Council and the Villains get to eat their hot dog feast in front of them, with some good natured taunting, and the Heroes whining about it]
me: Man, it wasn't their idea! but, heh. Courtney is dancing around enjoying her hot dog
Shanna: but he was so pissed at the last finale, he must get his comeuppance [re: Russell]
me: I hope
Jeff, don't defend James
to his own tribe!
Shanna: srsly
me: uh, and Colby, you pretty much admitted you don’t want to be there
Shanna: man james, way to be a douche [saying how disappointing Colby is and other stuff]
me: no shit
I love courtney's eyeroll.
she and eliza [from multiple previous seasons] should be on a tribe together. she was good at reactions, too, back in the day.
okay, don't they say tribals last hours? how come they were still eating? [as the Heroes wrap up and go to vote]
Shanna: yeah, that seems unlikely
me: that's a lot of hotdogs then
I am so hungry right now.
Shanna: aww
i am eating stew
me: I don't think the heroes gave away much to the villains, from what we saw, that they didn’t already know
Shanna: yeah
me: no votes for rupert!
Shanna: excellent [They actually vote out James!]
me: aw yeah
I'm glad that guy is out.
Shanna: me too
me: stop crying Amanda!!
Shanna: now for a douchy final word from james
me: right

[Next time…]
next week..... Rob now needs to gun for Russell even more, to prove himself better
James final words are not douchey. surprise
Shanna: yeah!
me: oh well
so, that's that
Shanna: yep
at least both tribals were kind awesome (in different ways)
me: totally
Shanna: 1 douche gone, 1 amazing con
me: hee
Shanna: heh, that rhymed! an accident
me: lol

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

LOST: Season 6 (The FINAL Season dun dun DUNNNN)

So, I’ve posted before about my failure to watch LOST. I still feel disappointed in my effort. But, I did read and watch a few recaps (mostly the official ones at the ABC website, and some Wikipedia stuff, but not the hardcore Lostie websites and blogs with theories and speculation) to give me background to watch this last season. I really debated whether to watch this season as it unfolds. Technically, I know the gist. I know what’s up. But because I didn’t watch all along, or catch up by watching thoroughly and completely, I have nothing invested in it. I just don’t care about it much, but I wish I did.

And I know what it is like to be a devoted fan of a show, and how it feels when other people don't care, or just don't get it, or aren't in the same place as I am with it. I have had trouble deciding to post anything about LOST because, well, I don't want to be that person. I don't want to insult real LOST fans.

What I do know, though, is that the final season of LOST (dun dun DUNNNNN) is probably better than the final seasons of many of the shows I loved. (Fellow former X-Philes know what I'm talking about.) I hope that it is satisfying for you Losties out there.

This is what I do know about Season 6 [spoilers…]:

Juliet didn’t die until she actually did do the reset bomb thing. But... it did not go as planned…exactly. I’ve watched enough sci-fi, and I am transparent about my Trekkiness, so I get this whole “alternate universe” timeline business. So, the bomb both did and did not work the way Jack believed it would. In the “prime” timeline, they are stuck on the island still, Locke is not really Locke but is another embodiment of the monster, Jacob is dead but is guiding Hugo to guide Jack, and they and some of the remaining Oceanic survivors are “candidates” to “protect” the island. Everyone is still miserable and the island is still mysterious.

In the alternate, non-crash timeline… well… also, everyone is still miserable. They don’t crash, but their lives totally different and are still a mess, and their lives end up intertwined anyway.

Am I missing anything? (Heh. Of course I am. Besides a lot of the very well-executed references and callbacks that I’m sure I’m missing, and my lack of attachment to the characters I didn’t get to become invested in as they evolved....)

Monday, March 15, 2010

Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains, episode 5 (or: They should have just eaten the chocolate)

And now, another installment of our very poorly punctuated, very poorly capitalized live-chat commentary of Survivor. (Note: Both Shanna and I are literate and not terrible writers when not chatting about Survivor.)

Shanna: survivor?
me: sure!
me: previously.... oh, why bother? Jeff is going to make it all up anyway
Shanna: hehehe

me: actually, this part is right. the heroes did scramble for the idol, and the villains did not.
Shanna: yeah, everyone agreed except for russell
and then cirie went home
me: yeah
and Tom's distrust led him to burn his use of the idol
Shanna: yeah, but it was for a good cause. better to use it unnecessarily than to not use it and go home
no one cares how pissed off you are Rupert [back at Heroes camp, regarding JT flipping on their plan]
me: OH, JT. You did it for you, mostly. Nice to have justification, though. [He explains to the tribe that he flipped his vote to Cirie for the good of the tribe]
Yeha. totally. [Tom playing the idol] It was smart because they were gunning for Tom. I don't think they are done, either.
Shanna: yeah. i mean, you can't be all incredulous when you just totally lied to people last night
me: OH, amanda. You seem to know what is up with JT, but I don't necessarily believe you will be a formidable foe for him.
Shanna: hmm, my sentence was sort of directed at JT there
Shanna: it seemed like it was directed at our conversation with the "yeah" and all
but not really
me: no, I got that. :)
Shanna: overexplaining! :)
me: better to overexplain than under!
Shanna: yes!

[back at Camp Villain]
now everyone is in on DRAGONSLAYER CHI
me: Dragonslayer CHI!!!!
I love it.
Shanna: hehehe
me: How hard do they have to work to not crack up?
that is discipline, I tell ya
Shanna: srsly
apparently they made the idol russell proof this time
me: heh
Shanna: unlike last season when he found them all immediately
me: he is not fucking subtle right there, though [his whole tribe is indulging in Dragonslayer Chi, and right down the beach he’s there digging for the idol]
oh, damn. he still found it? boo.
Shanna: yeah, i guess he was bound too
me: WHY DO PEOPLE THINK THOSE THINGS ARE MAGIC?? [Again, Russell’s all “I’m so powerful now I have the idol!!!!”]

[Reward Challenge]
they are all thinking "Oh, Thank GOD they voted out Cirie this early"
Shanna: heh, yeah
me: ooh, chocolately reward!!
Shanna: yeah, focus on the ladies, but we all know women love chocolate
me: yeah. blerg.
Shanna: damn
me: Colby is being a dick [He is sternly refusing Jeff’s chocolate samples]
Shanna: what is up with colby
me: they are afraid of being distracted by the chocolate? did NONE of the heroes take any?
Shanna: oooh, death glare from rupert
sorry, not scary
me: all of Rupert's faces are death glares
[the challenge starts, it is a physical rugby-basketball type game]
who knocked down James? I wasn't watching
Shanna: james is taken down!
i don't know
it happened fast, i was even watching
me: I just thought he fell down
did they sit out Courtney again? don't they always sit her out?
Shanna: man, that sucks that they are just short [James is badly enough injured to be taken out of the game, resulting in Heroes being down a team member]
me: even though James is hugely physical, stuff like this seems to happen a lot and he's not a factor
ouch [Coach got flattened by JT]
OUCH [then Jerri gets her face slammed into a post by Rupert, and Jeff calls the game to a halt!]
Shanna: man!
me: I believe he did not mean to do that. [Rupert says he didn’t mean it, and I am inclined to believe he is not “that guy”, so even though it was rough, I don’t think he meant it like that]
Shanna: yeah
me: but oh shit. Poor Jerri's face. [but she’s okay and the game resumes]
and she still scored teh winning shot
Shanna: man. it is hard to root for the heroes. they are just not great.
me: right
I don't believe JT would be heartbroken about losing James because he's such an asset. I think it is what he said before... it messes with his game. [the Heroes are agonizing over the potential loss of James as they are back at camp and he is away being evaluated by medical]
Shanna: yeah, agreed.
me: he's broken. unless they force him out I bet he won't leave.

[at the Chocolate and fancy swimming hole reward]
Shanna: jerri's face seems ok so far
me: ha. all that denial of chocolate discipline did the heroes no good. now they have had NO chocolate at all!
yeah. maybe it [Jerri’s face smash] wasn't that bad
man, at least the villains are all onto Russell [all but he and Parvati are swimming, and they all believe he has the idol, since he was the only one to look for it and, again, was not subtle]
Shanna: totally
me: ha. of course he's going to tell magical Parvati [Russell tells her he has the idol]
I hope she uses his trust against him
Shanna: yeah
me: a Parvati/Russell/Coach alliance is kindof intriguing
Shanna: man, he is doing the same thing he did before, telling everyone [then he tells Coach, too]
well, i guess just those two
me: so far...
Shanna: but still, he can't keep his mouth shut
me: is Coach smart enough and willing to use this to his advantage? it does not sound like it
Shanna: note coach says "ALMOST impossible" [to betray the trust Russell has placed in him by telling him about the idol]
yeah, i don't think he is that savvy
me: he will believe he was honest and noble even if he does betray Russell
Shanna: yeah
due to dragonslayer magic
me: OMG this is hysterical. COach is HONORED and it plays into Russell's king delusion [Coach actually kneels before him and talks about how it is like he’s been knighted by Russell… sigh]
Shanna: hahaha

[back at Camp “Heroes”, which I decided just now to put quotes around because they suck so much]
me: oh, hey, the Heroes still exist...
Shanna: they are all so ridiculous
me: they are sad they lost.
OMG stop crying Amanda. [more agonizing about potentially losing James from the game]
Shanna: yeah, i didn't realize they were so close
me: he is not dying. this is not life or death. OMG WHAT WILL YOU DO???
oh nevermind there he is everythings ok then
Shanna: hero-y music
me: I love how they tried to make it a big, dramatic reveal [as he limps slowly up the beach, to the triumphant music, and everyone rushes over to meet him]
Shanna: ugh
me: it makes me hate them more, really.
Shanna: whatever
he also doesn't look OK
me: yeah, he's going to be a super big help around camp and in challenges now [in case it wasn’t obvious, this is sarcasm]
Shanna: it doesn't look like he can run or jump or swim or anything
me: which is what they say they need and why they keep people
[Candice refers to injured James as “dead weight”]
yes. DEAD WEIGHT. exactly. that is kind of the argument they ostensibly make about getting rid of people. they can get rid of whoever they want, but I want them to at least admit they are playing the fucking game sometimes when they do. which I think a lot of them were saying last week about Cirie, but of course the show tries to make it more about camp helping and physical challenge strength
Shanna: yeah, cirie being voted out was all about game playing. she is a threat later on and she is amazing at secretly running things. it doesn't matter if a person like that is the best camp helper or a great asset in physical challenges
me: not that I don’t agree that she isn't the strongest, either, but that isn't the primary reason.
Shanna: yeah

[Immunity Challenge]
me: challenge! on a big course that I doubt James can run through
Shanna: totally
james will obvi be the caller [each team has a caller that directs blindfolded teammates through the course to big, block puzzle pieces, and then they all, unblindfolded, assemble the puzzle]
me: I forgot about Sandra being there. still early in the season I guess and a lot of people getting more attention
hmm... James as the caller by default is interesting. [not his “strength”, so to speak…]
ah ha. Courtney actually IN a challenge. heh.
I love blindfolded challenges
Shanna: i think they must sit courtney out every other challenge
that's why it seems like it is all the time
me: srsly
Shanna: blindfolded challenges are so funny
me: James is scolding them when they are wrong. it is funny.
this whole thing is funny [and not easily describable. Suffice it to say, people bonk into things and look goofy waving their arms around trying to feel for stuff.]
Shanna: jerri is much better at calling
you can hear her voice
james’ is too deep
i mean, his voice is
me: It is hard not to look ridiculous feeling around for pieces, with a partner, and not running in to others and pieces and obstacles
yeah. although at least they don't sound alike [the voices]
Shanna: yeah
me: James sounds like he is hurting himself
Shanna: he sounds super hoarse
me: like he is doing drill sergeant voice
hmm... let's see the heroes screw this one up [they have the lead getting into the puzzle solving]
Shanna: yeah, as they probably will
oh heroes
you suck at puzzles [and…they lose again]
me: I like Sandra's pigtails. they are ridiculous and adorable
yes, kick the puzzle, Rupert. make it cry.

[back at Loser, I mean “Heroes” camp]
What??? James injured is better than Tom? okay.
Shanna: yeah, whatever
me: I thought it was Steph's fault before. Now it is Tom. [James immediately says it was Tom’s fault that they did not win because he was not good at listening to everyone while they were solving the puzzle or something]
Shanna: i guess he has to say SOMETHING to try to convince others
me: Not that either of them [Steph a few episodes ago, and now Tom] were stellar, really, but I didn't see it being their faults, either.
Shanna: basically it is everyone's fault BUT james'
Shanna: yep
me: or Rupert's DARN BROKEN TOE!
the toe of woe
Shanna: heh
me: which he is no longer allowed to complain about I think now that James is practically paralyzed OMG!!!!
me: Dear Heroes: You suck at puzzles. In Survivor, you have to be able to DO the puzzles, not just get the pieces with your brute strength.
[Making the case to keep James]
Shanna: what!
they all believe this too!
me: ugh. of course.
Shanna: UGH
they are a lost cause
who even cares
me: totally
Shanna: just make ridiculous decisions and keep losing
so you'll be gone sooner
me: I mean, for the long-game? yeah, might be wise to get rid of Tom. he's a previous winner, so that is against him, but he is likeable and not useless, so he could win again.
Shanna: yeah
me: but their logic about staying strong to win now ... well, that hasn't been working out anyway, soo.....
Shanna: yeah
i think no matter what their strategy is, it will be dumb and not work
me: I like how JT just told Candice that the two of them are in control. As if Candice is in control of anything. But he knows what to say to people.
I agree. dumb. failure. not heroic.
So, its Colby/Tom/Candice. Everyone else in a majority alliance. JT possibly flipping?
Shanna: JT is the swing again
me: Oh, Colby. JT has won this game before. Have you? What is that? SHUT UP. [I don’t remember what he said but he was criticizing JT’s devious game play]
It probably will come back to bite him. But don't get all indignant about it.
Shanna: dang. they are all so annoying
me: I don't think I like any of the heroes.
I don't dislike JT. I don't dislike Candice but I don't see her long for this game. Tom... I don't dislike either but they'll never let up on him I don't think.
and I kind of hate the rest of them.
Shanna: i agree completely
i don't totally hate amanda all the time
me: Amanda just annoys me.
It is pretense! [Tom calls out James’ justifications for targeting him, and also Candice, because of the challenge, not because of alliance numbers, or what James would refer to as “craziness”] Now suddenly Tom and Candice are at fault for why they lost? No. they were all part of it. Not just those two, who they happen to be targeting. James needs justification.
James doesn't operate on any level besides having a reason related to challenges to vote.
[Jeff points out that James is practically unable to walk and teases that his niece could outrun James right now, and James maintains that even though he has a disabling injury, he’d STILL beat anyone else there at a challenge and so he should not be voted out]
I want to see them run a race RIGHT NOW to prove it.
Shanna: james is SUCH a dick
That was my thought exactly
me: Have them run a race and if Tom beats James, vote James out instead.
Shanna: let's SEE who can run the farthest, fastest. AT ALL
me: they are totally voting out Tom. because this show hates us.
which, like I said, I wouldn't have a problem with it if they weren't being such whiny lying babies about it, with their stupid pretense
OMG look at James' bitchface, too! [Jeff reads the first of two votes against James]
it was collossal
Shanna: ugh
this game sucks [and yet, they vote out Tom]
me: whatever, show
Shanna: what a dumb decision
me: I'm still going to say it every epsiode, this season still is better than the last one.
but, yeah, they are dumb
Shanna: heh, yeah
i want the next one to require them ALL to run
a lot
and james will fall and get sent home
oooh, candice went with tom too [showing the votes]
me: I would be less annoyed if ONE of them were shown saying "yeah, okay, James is not an asset now, but he will likely not heal in the next day so we can vote him out, and at least he will not be a threat for individual challenges later if he is still broken"
Candice has to play nice with the majority
Shanna: yeah
sad though

[Next time…]
me: next time is in two weeks and a wednesday? why?
basketball maybe?
Shanna: i think this happens every spring season
me: next time... Boston Rob goes after stupid Russell
Shanna: yeah
hopefully next time will be all about villians, just so we don't have to see the heroes as much
me: I am mad that Russell is still in the game. I want that delusional gnome gone.
Shanna: heh
these people don't know how ridiculous he was last season, or else he would be
me: yeah
I think that the beginnings are always very villain-heavy lately, but because the heroes suck so much we have to watch them for the rest of the episode figuring out how to vote. boo.
Shanna: yeah
[and then I go on to talk about how many gallons of blood I've cumulatively donated. I feel like the end of our chat transcripts are very anti-climactic. Sorry about that!]

If the "Heroes" didn't take themselves so damn seriously, maybe they'd be a little more bearable to watch.

Also, two of my favorite bloggers, Sarah Bunting and Linda Holmes, talk about the problems with this season of Survivor (and other reality shows) over at Tomato Nation.

Friday, March 12, 2010

Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains, episode 4 (or: Coach is even better than you at feelings)

(This is last week's episode, not last night's.)

me: previously!
The heroes lost!
Shanna: they became villians!
me: boo! hiss!
Shanna: villians were heroes!
everything was wacky dacky!
me: yay! woo!
Shanna: russell didn't defect though. he was still a crazy ass
me: How is taht staging a rebellion?
Shanna: who hides machetes
me: I don't think Jeff understands the words he says
Shanna: heh

[the Villains return to camp after Tribal. Coach gets all sad about Sandra implying he doesn’t work at camp or something, and he literally cries on Tyson’s shoulder]
me: Coach has feelings.
Shanna: More than you
me: heh. Machismo. I've always thought that word was funny. [it reminds me of smarmy 70s guys with mustaches or with long hair and into tigers and dragons and kung fu… oh, heh… like Coach, but manlier]
Shanna: More than anyone
He was noble! There would never be anyone like him on Survivor ever again!
me: He is nobler and better. waaaah waaaaah waaaah! Challenged by a lady.
Shanna: KRI KRI
me: Tyson is all "um, whatever you say, dude"
Shanna: LOL, "COACH" him through it
me: lol
Shanna: Oh Coach, one little challenge and you are going to quit? What kind of Coachly move is that?'
me: How ridiculous is it that Tyson actually is the voice of reason for anyone?
Shanna: for real. Tyson is not the person I would expect to be all reasonable and kind of sweet
I mean, he handled that well
me: indeed
I think this whole season is premised on showing us the exact opposite of what they have rammed down our throats about these people previously
except Russell
Shanna: yeah
They want us to think Survivor is full of surprises!

[Back at Villains camp, Coach makes a point to announce he is going for a walk.]
me: he doesn't have to be passive aggressive about it. sheesh. oh, wait. he's Coach. of course he does.
Shanna: People can AND DO change
me: lol
Shanna: I love that he thinks "Survivor doesn't deserve his nobility"
for real, Coach?
[Tyson tells the rest of the Villains that Coach cried over his feelings being hurt, and Boston Rob goes to talk to him to reassure him.]
me: I know
there is lots of hugging at the villain camp
Shanna: also, it really is hilarious that he is doing the least Coachly thing in the world by wanting to quit after things don't go his way
Any real coach would tell you to buck up and do better!
me: and would not waste all of his time memorizing warrior quotes [Last time it was a MLK Jr. quote, this time was Confucius]
Shanna: hehehe

[Reward Challenge! They get to pick out stuff from a catalog. The challenge is sliding down a slip n slide like course to grab a numbered ball and then make a basket with it.]
me: They haven't done the sponsored shopping challenge in a while. classic!
Shanna: Sponsored by.... Sears! [Okay, I read somewhere else where it was referred to as sponsored by Mervyn’s Dept Store… but we clearly saw Sears. What gives?]
me: no one seems to care that Randy was voted out.
Shanna: nope
me: It was a Sears circular! I wonder what the weekly deals were.
okay, i swear they sat out Courtney back to back the past few episodes.
but now Jeff did remind them they can't sit out the same people, sooo...
DRAGONSLAYER! [Coach wins the first round.]
oh, he didn't actually say it. darn.
Shanna: he should have! we need more dragonslayer references. there weren't enough to last a lifetime in coach's season or anything
me: exactly
Shanna: booyah, candice!
me: these slip n slide challenges scare me
Shanna: yeah
me: what is on the slide part, anyway? how are they all oily looking already?
ooh, Jerri was good at that, for a Bitter Old Cougar. heh
Shanna: i think it is oil, and they can oil up beforehand
lol, sandra did not slide well
me: it just looks obscene
Shanna: yeah
me: I mean, dude. look at Danielle's boobs. all oily.
I feel like a perv
LOL BROKEN TOE! [Jeff refers to Ruperts Broken Toe of Woe during his bout]
Shanna: i totally thought her boobs were going to fall out when she slammed on the ground
Shanna: i can't imagine how they stayed in
heh, broken toe
well, someone had to lose
me: well, even if they don't win, they can go back to camp and massage each other with the left over oil
Shanna: lol
me: I wonder if Sears provided the oil, too
Shanna: perhaps! they carry many goods!

[Again, back with the Villains]
me: Dragonslayer! ahh, good.
the world is back to normal now that he said that.
Also, did Parvati not get to get oiled because she sat out?
Ha! No hidden idols without clues for Russell THIS time! [The clue falls out of their reward tools]
Shanna: maybe she oiled herself up in solidarity
me: heh
oh, that's right. a bunch of these people never played with hidden idols
Shanna: "it's not fair for one person to have an immunity idol"
really, sandra?
me: and Sandra is smart to just put it out there that it isn't as awesome as you think, because you do get "marked", but it has nothing to do with fairness
Shanna: didn't someone try throwing it away before, and that didn't work out too well?
yeah, that part of what she said is true
me: yeah. Wasn't that a few seasons ago? but it backfired
[the Villains collectively agree to not look for the idol, but then Russell “sneaks” off to “take a walk” or something, and they are on to him!]
Shanna: dude, you cannot go off on your own pretending to do something other than look for an idol when everyone knows about the idol and knows you are looking for it
me: I want them all to target him just for being the a-hole who feels like he NEEDS the damn idol
Hobbit on crack! [Rob re: Russell]
Shanna: hahahahaha
yeah, hopefully that pans out
me: they must be trying to trick us and get our hopes up [they are all talking about targeting Russell for going against the group decision and looking for the idol]
Shanna: pans

[Heroes camp]
me: gasp
they had an idol clue for days and didn't know! [Who knows when they actually found it, relative to when the Villains found theirs, though... thanks, Editors!]
Shanna: lol, theirs was in the coffee
me: as lame as I think the hidden idols have gotten, I think it is hysterical that they are hiding the clues in the rewards
and look at them, all scrambling for it. suckers. [unlike the Villains]
Shanna: i hope tom can find it if it will keep him in the game
me: there is no way to play this with finesse [the Heroes. They are not sneaky.]
Shanna: they are so funny though
it is just so obvious when everyone knows
me: nice! he is pretending to not find it! [Tom]
instead of declaring it
Shanna: oh, but amada saw
me: ah, Amanda caught him!
this is kind of a funny development
oh, Colby. do not put too much faith in the hidden idol.
Shanna: yeah, it is not that great
at least they know she saw, so they're not thinking they have this big secret
me: it depends on how they use it and how the others react to it. it doesn't guarantee anything if you don't play it right
very true.
ok, ready

[Immunity Challenge]
me: they just did this challenge last season [blindfolded people rolling a tribemate in a cage-ball, and then that person directing blindfolded people to do a tilt puzzle]
Shanna: heh, this challenge again
me: they must have really liked it
except for, you know, the other Russell almost dying
Shanna: yeah, as long as no one passes out and hits their head on the puzzle!
me: Jeff has to explain it, since none of them saw it last season
Shanna: oh yes, it is an "honor and distinction" to finish [because it is the ONLY CHALLENGE IN THE HISTORY OF SURVIVOR TO NEVER BE COMPLETE OMG!!!]
really jeff?
that is a stretch
me: yeah like it is a big deal
I think Courtney likes sitting out of challenges
I think we need to hear more of her commentary, though. we haven't gotten much yet, and that was what made her awesome
Shanna: yeah, she needs to get snarky again!
me: this challenge is kind of cool now that we can actually see it without someone nearly dying
Shanna: yeah
they are doing well
both teams
me: so close!
Shanna: dang [Heroes lose again]
no! not Colby or Tom! [who are clearly in a minority alliance]
Shanna: yeah, damn, do not send tom or colby! rupert all the way!
me: I mean, yeah, it makes sense to send one of them home I guess, but RUPERT FIRST PLZ KTHX
Shanna: yeah
me: Tom should just let them vote for him and play the fucking idol, and bounce the vote to someone else
Shanna: yipes, scary spider
me: ick
Shanna: yeah, but it will bounce to colby probably
unless they get some support
which i hope they do
me: oh, JT. don't think you can count on those guys, either. remember, this is Survivor [JT says he wants to side with Colby and Tom because they are straight-shooters]
vote out RUPERT or JAMES
because they are whiny babies
Shanna: please please please do that
me: Listen to Cirie, Amanda. She is wise. [Amanda buys Tom’s plea that he’s good to keep and he’ll share the idol, and she goes to tell Cirie that they are thinking of switching sides, and Cirie tries to point out how Tom is playing them]
Not that I want any of those guys to go.... but she is right.
LOL. rupert's face was hysterical there.
"what? I don't know what you are talking about??"
Shanna: cirie's strategy makes sense for the end... not as much for now, while they still need good people for the tribe
me: I think they have to keep a good balance of strengths. getting rid of one strong, smart guy won't kill them. but, yeah....
they could get rid of a strong or strongish not as smart guy and we'd all be happier, actually
Shanna: very true. but i LIKE them!
me: for real
Shanna: sigh. i think they have the right idea with cirie, too, i mean, she is very much a puppetmaster
me: yeah.
Shanna: i like her, but she is devious
me: it would be dumb to keep her around, because she is awesome at the social game
Shanna: she is not someone you can trust
me: she knows people. she reads them right.

[Tribal Council]
Shanna: yeah
oh rupert. shut up
me: ha. JT is one to talk about sticking to promises, since he betrayed Tom by voting out Steph
Shanna: heh
me: oh, Rupert, it isn't about rah rah teambuilding bonding. it is, but not the way you think, doofus
Shanna: yeah
me: hah. Jeff just basically told Rupert he sucked.
Shanna: hee
ugh, james [he complains again about the “craziness” which is all the strategizing and gameplay that is not challenges]
me: James does not understand Survivor
the social game is part of the fucking game, asshole
Shanna: i just want to eat food and play challenges! i don't want to play the social game!
me: it is not all challenges!!
Shanna: ugh
i don't want to watch them do this
they are SO dumb
me: James makes me so mad. Madder than Rupert makes me.
Shanna: yeah
me: they ARE dumb. I hate the heroes.
Shanna: rupert is just doofy and annoying
james is a stupid ass
me: if you don't like how Survivor is played, don't be on the show for a third time, ass

Shanna: did they just show JT write Cirie?
me: I think so!
Shanna: interesting!
[Tom trots out the hidden idol]
me: uh, Jeff didn't ask about the idol
I'm glad Tom is just freaking putting it out there. he may not have needed to, but just get it freaking out of there
Shanna: yeah
me: although, now everyone knows he didn't trust them
Shanna: oh, JT wrote "C"
for colby or cirie
me: oooh
me: noooooo!
Shanna: YES
in my opinion that is a yes [Cirie is voted out]
me: eh
it is a good move
Shanna: i think so too
me: I just like watching Cirie play
now THAT is a, what, Jeff? Blindside, I think
Shanna: it is a big, bold move that shakes everyone else up though
now it is not cirie running things
me: yay! he said it!
Shanna: hee
me: it was a smart move.
but I think it will make the heroes even harder to watch and root for
Shanna: I don't know if Colby and Tom have the same "running everything" power that Cirie does
I like her but I think it was smart
me: at least they are smart enough to see her as a threat, so they at least aren't that dumb
Shanna: yeah

[Next time]
me: Dragonslayer chi???

[Cirie’s final words]
awww, Cirie. they did get you.
Shanna: she did seem very surprised
me: at least in this season, people voted out early have a better claim to being ousted for being a threat.
some people tell themselves that is why they are voted out, but it isn't really true.
but this time, it is

All in all, not a bad episode. With all the stuff about Coach filling up the beginning, you'd think there'd have been more with his game gf Jerri, but a secret scene at show her "breaking up" with him. That Jerri. What a cold-hearted Bitter Old Cougar! Heh.

Also, I do agree that it was smart of them to get rid of Cirie, although I will miss watching her play the game. I would NOT have missed watching James or Rupert. I maintain that they got rid of Cirie because of her awesome strategery and social game posing a threat, but Jeff Probst believes that they made the decision in order to "keep the tribe physically strong" (I'm paraphrasing from last week's installment of his wacky blog on

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains, episode 3 (or: Parvati Shallow - She's Magically Flirtatious)

me: ok!
survivor time!
Shanna: ok!
me: previously: "the heroes were heroic, and the villains were villainous"... really, Jeff?

OMG Russell did NOT rope in Parvati! She said right after that she doesn't trust him but will go along with him. That is strategy, not being roped in!!!!
Shanna: that schtick is going to get old - "JT embraced the darkside because he PLAYED THE GAME
me: yeah. fuck that shit

[Heroes coming back from previous Tribal Council]
Shanna: rat!
growing mushrooms!
me: that was weird. the mushrooms.
ugh, James has no idea why people did not respond well to his attitude.
Shanna: yeah
me: Good for Tom trying to be a diplomat. [He tells James he could have been gentler with the way he handled Stephenie, but it is good things got out in the open, I think?]
Shanna: seriously. how is that possible?!?!
me: ha. JT and tom hug it out. I think they are realistic about how this game goes, though.
Shanna: yeah. i like them both. tom especially, i remember i totally liked him in his season too
he is just so good all the time
such a HERO!
me: Yes. It is damn naive to think it is going to be all fair and stuff, Tom. Geez.

[Villain Camp]
me: eww, who is Parvati snuggling with?
why are they giggling?
Shanna: i was just going to say the same thing!
me: are they high??
Shanna: russell??????
it seems like it!!
me: boooo
eww, Coach was touching Jerri's hair.
like, in a creepy way, briefly
Wait. Isn't Russell married?
Shanna: maybe they had a big breakup and THAT is why russ was mad at tribal [lest season]
huh, yeah!
me: I love how Rob is the "wise observer" now. [he remarks that you can tell everything about people’s alliances by who they are sleeping next to]
Shanna: hee
someone has to be!

me: Rupert wants to do team building. [He said he was hoping for a rainy day so they could all play games and stuff together]
I have a suggestion: fucking BE A TEAM.
Shanna: chasing chickens again
me: you don't need games and exercises... this whole thing IS that for REAL
bok bok bok bok
I think the chicken would prefer not to be chased, dude [I think Colby said something about how the chicken had a choice, to either stay still and be caught or be chased, and it was silly]
Shanna: heh
blah, rupert
me: chicken chasing = bonding
Shanna: "it was SUPPOSED to happen!" [I… don’t remember what this was about]

Shanna: blah
me: Whoa. Is COACH being the reasonable, wise one right now? [He is telling Russell how dangerous it is to be connected with Parvati and under her spell]
What universe is this?????
Parvati is charming.
Shanna: heh, totally! he didn't even say she was a dragoness who needed slaying!
me: LOL
Shanna: this angle makes coach's nose look really big
me: ooh, Maybe Russe’l at the last finale, even though he was married, was in a triangle with Parvati!
Russell, please do not call yourself anyone's daddy
Shanna: heh
oh, parv [She calls herself sweet and innocent]
me: Ah, Parv. so funny
Shanna: you are anything but sweet and innocent
me: why is he talking about hooking up with her? ick.
Shanna: seriously, i really thought he was married
so, what's up with that
me: srsly. didn't he have a family at the last finale, which happened AFTER this season taped? shenanigans!

[more at Villains camp]
me: is this Coach's storytelling time? [he is telling everyone a fantastical kayaking adventure story of his, and other Villains are teasing him about it]
Russell is now hiding the machete??? What is wrong with that dude?
Shanna: he is so crazy. he just likes to do crazy shit
ooh burn you like the astros! burn! [He also says the next thing that he’s going to mess with is Rob’s Boston Red Sox hat, and he’s all, to paraphrase, “boo, Red Sox! Yay, Astros!”]
me: isn't there really a rule against stealing people's shit and messing with it?
Shanna: what
it seems like there should be!
me: LOLOLOL [Coach is doing his poses and SINGING]
Shanna: hehehe
me: it was a Coach interlude
no one wants to share Randy's clam [Randy has caught a giant clam, tries to share]
Shanna: man, you know there is abundance of food if no one wants any clam
me: yup
this is like glamorous survivior, with the chickens and stuff all around.
are they eating it raw? [Sandra does take some, and Parvati does too but doesn’t like it and spits it out]
Shanna: it is UNJUST when people do nothing! UNJUST! (I agree it is unfair, but that is funny)
me: oh, the injustice of Survivor!!!! [Coach going on about people sunbathing and being lazy and yet still do well in the game]

oh, good for Candice at least trying to make a smart alliance now. [talking with JT]
Shanna: strategical!
me: heh
JT was a big liar last time, too. [He goes from talking to Candice to telling Cirie that Candice doesn’t trust her!]
he and nerdy Stephen made up stories and backstabbed all along!
Shanna: yeah, and he is so down home good boy that no one really suspects
me: but he's a HEROOOOO
Oh, Candice, do you expect whoever said that to come clean?? [Cirie has asked her if she doesn’t trust her, and now Candice is going around to find out who is spreading such lies!]
Shanna: god damn. shut up james [He’s scolding Candice to calm down about it.]
your voice
is makes me want to stab you
me: totally
how has that guy been on survivor 3 times now. all he wants to do is play challenges and have nothing to do with the rest of the game
Shanna: yeah

[Reward/Immunity Challenge time!]
james is like, yay mud wrestling! i like physical challenges!
me: yeah
they stlil have luxury items??? [reward is coffee and luxury items, and also immunity]
they haven't mentioned those since years ago
Shanna: yeah, i don't know if they ever get them in other recent seasons!
me: wait, didn't courtney sit out last time? isn't there a rule against sitting out two in a row?
Shanna: they seem to have changes of clothes this time (and i think a little in recent seasons too)
or at least swimuits and regular clothes and some layering items
[The challenge is super physical, and basically involves knocking an opponent off of the platform into the mud using a padded bag thing]
me: ha. russell was housed by tom
they used to have a few clothing options in australia, I remember
ha. nice
Jeff, don't call him the dragon slayer!!!
Shanna: heh, jeff is like, we need to bring back that dragonslayer stuff. that was awesome. anyone? dragonslayer?
me: lol
do over! [There’s this rule where both hands have to be on the bag to win, and you can’t use other parts of your body to knock someone off… I think they were a little liberal with it sometimes but then made Coach and Rupert have a do-over]
Shanna: heheheh
me: ooh, he flipped of jeff! and jeff called rupert the pirate;. what?
this is hysterical
me: LOL
Shanna: hahahaha
me: ooh, Jerry v Cirie is a good one
aww, disappointing
Shanna: cirie is a powerhouse
me: Cirie is a bruiser, though.
that was kind of obvious
Shanna: i would be afraid to go against her!
me: me too
Shanna: woot!
me: I keep forgetting stupid Tyson is there
Shanna: the heroes need a win
yeah, i am glad he isn't important
me: amanda and danielle are indistinguishable right now
Shanna: although the longer [Tyson] is in the background the longer he will be around
me: true
Shanna: this looks SO painful
me: slippery!
Shanna: rob did some amazing maneuvers to stay on there
me: no kidding
Shanna: all for naught, but still
me: James v Randy? really?
that is silly
Shanna: lol
me: hmm, who didn't see THAT coming? [James knocks Randy off with one push]
Shanna: i mean, that was ridiculous [Also, James then threw the bag down at Randy’s face]
me: yeah
1) it was totally a mismatch in size. 2) James didn't have to smash him like that
Shanna: i love how they are like "randy, fight dirty!" and when james just pwns him without any effort (or foul play) they are like, you are a villain, james! [Courtney said James was on the wrong Tribe]
me: heh.
no kidding. very true.
although, how else could Randy have played in that situation? I don't think purely strength was an option! heh.
Shanna: i mean, he didn't have to smash him so hard, i guess, but i think that is probably how hard he hits anyway

me: aww, poor defeated villains.
group bath! [Getting all the mud from the challenge off each other]
steroid sandwiches. how clever, Tyson
they all sort of seem to love bathing each other.
ha. Coach still says he doesn't lie.
Shanna: blah blah blah coach being all "i know what is up"
me: OMG Coach stop making sense. I do not want to have to stop thinking you are ridiculous!
Shanna: hee, yeah, he actually DOES know what is going on [Talking about voting Parvati out, and how he won’t let her charms work on him, although he does this while enjoying flirting with her in the water]
me: okay, he still is ridiculous. but less so sort of.
I don't want Parv to go, but they SHOULD vote her out. come on.
srsly. Parvati has magical charisma flirting powers
Shanna: but you can still be annoyed at him because he sounds so self-righteous when he says it
me: Sandra looks good now. she looks younger than a few years ago on her season, doesn't she?
ooh Boston Rob was spying
ugh, Jerri, you can't go to the others to change their vote without having an alternative. Durrrr
[Jerri is lobbying to NOT vote out Randy, as the others seem to want to do, but when Parv asks her who she’d vote out instead, she’s all “I don’t have to answer!”… because she totally wants Parv out, who she called a virus during an interview]
Shanna: yeah, that's what i though too, about sandra!
me: Fakey McGee! [Parvati re: Jerri]
Shanna: hehehe
me: Bitter Old Cougar!
Shanna: lol
no one is honorable
me: oh, there's the old Coach we know and laugh at
here it is
me: do not quote MLK! [Coach talks about honor blah blah blah fishcakes BUT THEN, icing on the cake, quotes Martin Luther King, Jr, who I’m sure just spun in his grave]
Shanna: meaningful quotes
sweeping, dramatic music
hahaha lol coach, don't ever change
me: I bet Coach compares himself to Rosa Parks in real life
Shanna: I WILL FIGHT FOR HIM [Coach re: Randy, not Martin Luther King, Jr. or Rosa Parks]

[Villains at Tribal Council]
Shanna: why get fire jeff?
me: fire is life!
Shanna: oh right
me: LOL
Shanna: FIRE is LIFE
me: I am choking from laughing and swallowing wrong at the same time
ooh, I'm surprised Jeff asked Sandra that question for some reason. [about the threat of preexisting relationships]
like, she is not one of his pets
is Jerri trying to say Randy is an asset for their physical strength? [she talks about other reasons to keep someone… and since she had been lobbying to keep Randy, this seems like a silly answer to me]
Shanna: lol, sandra's last move there, with the big wide arms, was hilarious
me: Ah, Sandra. just the way she was before. not keeping her mouth shut
Shanna: worst shelter in survivor history!
me: I love that they are having a "worst shelter in history" competition [Someone, I think Coach, complained about how everyone isn’t working well together so their shelter is so bad, and Jerri and Courtney are both all “um, I think we have endured even WORSE shelters”]
I love the way Sandra just lets it all hang out
[someone mentions being machete-less]
I bet Jeff totally is thinking "Russell stole the machete. Anyone missing any burnt socks, too?"
I like Parvati more than Randy, but it would be smarter to send Parv home I think
Shanna: yeah, exactly
random rob vote
me: yeah. random.
Shanna: looks like randy [all votes for Randy, except Randy’s random vote for Rob]
me: huh
Shanna: sounds like jeff stumbled over "hereoes vs villians" there
me: what did he throw in the fire?
oh, his buff
this episode was not as exciting as I'd hoped. oh well. last week's was way more dramatic, hard to live up to it
Shanna: yeah
i was kinda bored with it this week
ah well
me: next time.... Coach cries.
hidden idol. Russell is dumb
Shanna: and they are sick of russell!
and for some reason heroes think they should look for hidden idols as a tribe!
me: Wow. that was pretty crazily unanimous. no one voted for Parv.
yeah, the heroes are pretty dumb
Shanna: she is too charming to be voted out!
me: Courtney did a little dance when she voted out her old nemesis Randy. heh
I kind of want to be friends with Parvati
I don’t think we'd be real life good friends, but she'd be like the fun work friend girl, you know?
didn't she start charming all the girls, too, last time? like srsly she has magical powers
Shanna: yeah
she does have a cute smile and a sweet voice
i guess it works well for her!
me: heh