Friday, March 12, 2010

Survivor: Heroes vs. Villains, episode 4 (or: Coach is even better than you at feelings)

(This is last week's episode, not last night's.)

me: previously!
The heroes lost!
Shanna: they became villians!
me: boo! hiss!
Shanna: villians were heroes!
everything was wacky dacky!
me: yay! woo!
Shanna: russell didn't defect though. he was still a crazy ass
me: How is taht staging a rebellion?
Shanna: who hides machetes
me: I don't think Jeff understands the words he says
Shanna: heh

[the Villains return to camp after Tribal. Coach gets all sad about Sandra implying he doesn’t work at camp or something, and he literally cries on Tyson’s shoulder]
me: Coach has feelings.
Shanna: More than you
me: heh. Machismo. I've always thought that word was funny. [it reminds me of smarmy 70s guys with mustaches or with long hair and into tigers and dragons and kung fu… oh, heh… like Coach, but manlier]
Shanna: More than anyone
He was noble! There would never be anyone like him on Survivor ever again!
me: He is nobler and better. waaaah waaaaah waaaah! Challenged by a lady.
Shanna: KRI KRI
me: Tyson is all "um, whatever you say, dude"
Shanna: LOL, "COACH" him through it
me: lol
Shanna: Oh Coach, one little challenge and you are going to quit? What kind of Coachly move is that?'
me: How ridiculous is it that Tyson actually is the voice of reason for anyone?
Shanna: for real. Tyson is not the person I would expect to be all reasonable and kind of sweet
I mean, he handled that well
me: indeed
I think this whole season is premised on showing us the exact opposite of what they have rammed down our throats about these people previously
except Russell
Shanna: yeah
They want us to think Survivor is full of surprises!

[Back at Villains camp, Coach makes a point to announce he is going for a walk.]
me: he doesn't have to be passive aggressive about it. sheesh. oh, wait. he's Coach. of course he does.
Shanna: People can AND DO change
me: lol
Shanna: I love that he thinks "Survivor doesn't deserve his nobility"
for real, Coach?
[Tyson tells the rest of the Villains that Coach cried over his feelings being hurt, and Boston Rob goes to talk to him to reassure him.]
me: I know
there is lots of hugging at the villain camp
Shanna: also, it really is hilarious that he is doing the least Coachly thing in the world by wanting to quit after things don't go his way
Any real coach would tell you to buck up and do better!
me: and would not waste all of his time memorizing warrior quotes [Last time it was a MLK Jr. quote, this time was Confucius]
Shanna: hehehe

[Reward Challenge! They get to pick out stuff from a catalog. The challenge is sliding down a slip n slide like course to grab a numbered ball and then make a basket with it.]
me: They haven't done the sponsored shopping challenge in a while. classic!
Shanna: Sponsored by.... Sears! [Okay, I read somewhere else where it was referred to as sponsored by Mervyn’s Dept Store… but we clearly saw Sears. What gives?]
me: no one seems to care that Randy was voted out.
Shanna: nope
me: It was a Sears circular! I wonder what the weekly deals were.
okay, i swear they sat out Courtney back to back the past few episodes.
but now Jeff did remind them they can't sit out the same people, sooo...
DRAGONSLAYER! [Coach wins the first round.]
oh, he didn't actually say it. darn.
Shanna: he should have! we need more dragonslayer references. there weren't enough to last a lifetime in coach's season or anything
me: exactly
Shanna: booyah, candice!
me: these slip n slide challenges scare me
Shanna: yeah
me: what is on the slide part, anyway? how are they all oily looking already?
ooh, Jerri was good at that, for a Bitter Old Cougar. heh
Shanna: i think it is oil, and they can oil up beforehand
lol, sandra did not slide well
me: it just looks obscene
Shanna: yeah
me: I mean, dude. look at Danielle's boobs. all oily.
I feel like a perv
LOL BROKEN TOE! [Jeff refers to Ruperts Broken Toe of Woe during his bout]
Shanna: i totally thought her boobs were going to fall out when she slammed on the ground
Shanna: i can't imagine how they stayed in
heh, broken toe
well, someone had to lose
me: well, even if they don't win, they can go back to camp and massage each other with the left over oil
Shanna: lol
me: I wonder if Sears provided the oil, too
Shanna: perhaps! they carry many goods!

[Again, back with the Villains]
me: Dragonslayer! ahh, good.
the world is back to normal now that he said that.
Also, did Parvati not get to get oiled because she sat out?
Ha! No hidden idols without clues for Russell THIS time! [The clue falls out of their reward tools]
Shanna: maybe she oiled herself up in solidarity
me: heh
oh, that's right. a bunch of these people never played with hidden idols
Shanna: "it's not fair for one person to have an immunity idol"
really, sandra?
me: and Sandra is smart to just put it out there that it isn't as awesome as you think, because you do get "marked", but it has nothing to do with fairness
Shanna: didn't someone try throwing it away before, and that didn't work out too well?
yeah, that part of what she said is true
me: yeah. Wasn't that a few seasons ago? but it backfired
[the Villains collectively agree to not look for the idol, but then Russell “sneaks” off to “take a walk” or something, and they are on to him!]
Shanna: dude, you cannot go off on your own pretending to do something other than look for an idol when everyone knows about the idol and knows you are looking for it
me: I want them all to target him just for being the a-hole who feels like he NEEDS the damn idol
Hobbit on crack! [Rob re: Russell]
Shanna: hahahahaha
yeah, hopefully that pans out
me: they must be trying to trick us and get our hopes up [they are all talking about targeting Russell for going against the group decision and looking for the idol]
Shanna: pans

[Heroes camp]
me: gasp
they had an idol clue for days and didn't know! [Who knows when they actually found it, relative to when the Villains found theirs, though... thanks, Editors!]
Shanna: lol, theirs was in the coffee
me: as lame as I think the hidden idols have gotten, I think it is hysterical that they are hiding the clues in the rewards
and look at them, all scrambling for it. suckers. [unlike the Villains]
Shanna: i hope tom can find it if it will keep him in the game
me: there is no way to play this with finesse [the Heroes. They are not sneaky.]
Shanna: they are so funny though
it is just so obvious when everyone knows
me: nice! he is pretending to not find it! [Tom]
instead of declaring it
Shanna: oh, but amada saw
me: ah, Amanda caught him!
this is kind of a funny development
oh, Colby. do not put too much faith in the hidden idol.
Shanna: yeah, it is not that great
at least they know she saw, so they're not thinking they have this big secret
me: it depends on how they use it and how the others react to it. it doesn't guarantee anything if you don't play it right
very true.
ok, ready

[Immunity Challenge]
me: they just did this challenge last season [blindfolded people rolling a tribemate in a cage-ball, and then that person directing blindfolded people to do a tilt puzzle]
Shanna: heh, this challenge again
me: they must have really liked it
except for, you know, the other Russell almost dying
Shanna: yeah, as long as no one passes out and hits their head on the puzzle!
me: Jeff has to explain it, since none of them saw it last season
Shanna: oh yes, it is an "honor and distinction" to finish [because it is the ONLY CHALLENGE IN THE HISTORY OF SURVIVOR TO NEVER BE COMPLETE OMG!!!]
really jeff?
that is a stretch
me: yeah like it is a big deal
I think Courtney likes sitting out of challenges
I think we need to hear more of her commentary, though. we haven't gotten much yet, and that was what made her awesome
Shanna: yeah, she needs to get snarky again!
me: this challenge is kind of cool now that we can actually see it without someone nearly dying
Shanna: yeah
they are doing well
both teams
me: so close!
Shanna: dang [Heroes lose again]
no! not Colby or Tom! [who are clearly in a minority alliance]
Shanna: yeah, damn, do not send tom or colby! rupert all the way!
me: I mean, yeah, it makes sense to send one of them home I guess, but RUPERT FIRST PLZ KTHX
Shanna: yeah
me: Tom should just let them vote for him and play the fucking idol, and bounce the vote to someone else
Shanna: yipes, scary spider
me: ick
Shanna: yeah, but it will bounce to colby probably
unless they get some support
which i hope they do
me: oh, JT. don't think you can count on those guys, either. remember, this is Survivor [JT says he wants to side with Colby and Tom because they are straight-shooters]
vote out RUPERT or JAMES
because they are whiny babies
Shanna: please please please do that
me: Listen to Cirie, Amanda. She is wise. [Amanda buys Tom’s plea that he’s good to keep and he’ll share the idol, and she goes to tell Cirie that they are thinking of switching sides, and Cirie tries to point out how Tom is playing them]
Not that I want any of those guys to go.... but she is right.
LOL. rupert's face was hysterical there.
"what? I don't know what you are talking about??"
Shanna: cirie's strategy makes sense for the end... not as much for now, while they still need good people for the tribe
me: I think they have to keep a good balance of strengths. getting rid of one strong, smart guy won't kill them. but, yeah....
they could get rid of a strong or strongish not as smart guy and we'd all be happier, actually
Shanna: very true. but i LIKE them!
me: for real
Shanna: sigh. i think they have the right idea with cirie, too, i mean, she is very much a puppetmaster
me: yeah.
Shanna: i like her, but she is devious
me: it would be dumb to keep her around, because she is awesome at the social game
Shanna: she is not someone you can trust
me: she knows people. she reads them right.

[Tribal Council]
Shanna: yeah
oh rupert. shut up
me: ha. JT is one to talk about sticking to promises, since he betrayed Tom by voting out Steph
Shanna: heh
me: oh, Rupert, it isn't about rah rah teambuilding bonding. it is, but not the way you think, doofus
Shanna: yeah
me: hah. Jeff just basically told Rupert he sucked.
Shanna: hee
ugh, james [he complains again about the “craziness” which is all the strategizing and gameplay that is not challenges]
me: James does not understand Survivor
the social game is part of the fucking game, asshole
Shanna: i just want to eat food and play challenges! i don't want to play the social game!
me: it is not all challenges!!
Shanna: ugh
i don't want to watch them do this
they are SO dumb
me: James makes me so mad. Madder than Rupert makes me.
Shanna: yeah
me: they ARE dumb. I hate the heroes.
Shanna: rupert is just doofy and annoying
james is a stupid ass
me: if you don't like how Survivor is played, don't be on the show for a third time, ass

Shanna: did they just show JT write Cirie?
me: I think so!
Shanna: interesting!
[Tom trots out the hidden idol]
me: uh, Jeff didn't ask about the idol
I'm glad Tom is just freaking putting it out there. he may not have needed to, but just get it freaking out of there
Shanna: yeah
me: although, now everyone knows he didn't trust them
Shanna: oh, JT wrote "C"
for colby or cirie
me: oooh
me: noooooo!
Shanna: YES
in my opinion that is a yes [Cirie is voted out]
me: eh
it is a good move
Shanna: i think so too
me: I just like watching Cirie play
now THAT is a, what, Jeff? Blindside, I think
Shanna: it is a big, bold move that shakes everyone else up though
now it is not cirie running things
me: yay! he said it!
Shanna: hee
me: it was a smart move.
but I think it will make the heroes even harder to watch and root for
Shanna: I don't know if Colby and Tom have the same "running everything" power that Cirie does
I like her but I think it was smart
me: at least they are smart enough to see her as a threat, so they at least aren't that dumb
Shanna: yeah

[Next time]
me: Dragonslayer chi???

[Cirie’s final words]
awww, Cirie. they did get you.
Shanna: she did seem very surprised
me: at least in this season, people voted out early have a better claim to being ousted for being a threat.
some people tell themselves that is why they are voted out, but it isn't really true.
but this time, it is

All in all, not a bad episode. With all the stuff about Coach filling up the beginning, you'd think there'd have been more with his game gf Jerri, but a secret scene at show her "breaking up" with him. That Jerri. What a cold-hearted Bitter Old Cougar! Heh.

Also, I do agree that it was smart of them to get rid of Cirie, although I will miss watching her play the game. I would NOT have missed watching James or Rupert. I maintain that they got rid of Cirie because of her awesome strategery and social game posing a threat, but Jeff Probst believes that they made the decision in order to "keep the tribe physically strong" (I'm paraphrasing from last week's installment of his wacky blog on

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